Creative chaos and career conversations

After the usual website trawls for job vacancies to apply for, today I will now mostly be making cards. And jewellery. And gift tokens. Not just to keep my jobless self busy - I do actually enjoy all this crafty creativity, but also I've been commissioned to make the goodies. I also want to make some extra samples to put on the website and Etsy shop that I'm in the middle of setting up.  As a result, my desk is a little- shall we say- busy? If there was an award for desk which most closely resembles a Blue Peter make it special, I'd be collecting my badge right now! Card count so far = 3. Not my most productive day so far, but they were very unusual personalised ones so they took a lot of work. Honest!

But I can't stop thinking about the conversation I had this morning. In the midst of my cutting, sticking and glittering spree, my phone rings. I answer to discover it's one of the recruitment agencies I'd contacted last week who wanted to have a more detailed chat. I've already spoken to and met with a few reps from other recruitment agencies and found them all to be on the ball, polite, full of ideas, and actually quite helpful. Today's caller? Not so much.

Firstly, she wanted me to talk her through my CV. Which she'd left in the other office. Then she called me the wrong name. Twice. Then she asked what I'd be interested in doing next. I explained that I loved the kind of work I do, and that I'd be interested in doing similar work, in the same sector or perhaps in a different sector and indicated that I was also keen to look at comms or marketing roles in the NFP (not for profit) world. There followed a silence. A long silence. Eventually, she gave her response to this: "Seriously? At your age? Don't you think you've moved on from that?"

I asked her what she meant, and she said that people of my age and at this stage in my career, working outside the corporate world amounted to career suicide. "I mean, most people get this idealistic thing out of the way at uni or in their gap years," she said. "Then they get over it, get real and get proper jobs."

Now, I'm assuming she may be fairly young or inexperienced - firstly if she was more experienced, she probably would have put this a bit differently, in perhaps a less confrontational manner.

Secondly, she should really acknowledge that there is some kick-ass Marcomms work being done in the NFP market. Really clever, innovative and user-centric campaigns and materials, in an environment that can sometimes offer a lot more freedom than the often more locked down, corporate world. So it does have a lot to offer for someone looking to do real creative work.

She did make me think though. I know in the past when I'd mentioned to acquaintances that I'd perhaps like to work for a charity or a community organisation, they looked at me with puzzlement. They questioned why, with the lower pay? The lower profile? The lack of career opportunities? Was I some weird do-gooder?

It seems that if a teenager or student or recent graduate is passionate and cares about a cause or charity, it's tolerated in a 'they'll get over it' way. It's expected that they do an internship, do a gap year volunteering, do something temporary and then get back to 'real life'. As if caring is a temporary madness; one that stops when you become a proper grown up.

Don't get me wrong, I left my teenage idealism back in uni with my Grolsch-bottle-top-adorned DMs, my purple hair streaks and my youthful conviction that I was going to marry Rob Lowe. I understand the world a lot more than I did then, I understand the complexities of economy and politics, and I know about the practicalities of living life. I left my impractical idealism behind, but I didn't stop caring.

I'm not saying I'm against the corporate world. Far from it. I need to find a job that is interesting, gives me challenges and allows me to learn new skills, and also that brings home the bacon. (I'm a vegetarian - should that be bring home the vegeburgers?!) If that same role also happens to be working in a charity or cause that makes a positive difference to my small part of the world, all the better. It's highly likely that my next job will not be in the NFP sector, simply because there aren't that many roles around that will fit me.

All I was trying to tell that recruitment consultant is that I was interested in those kind of roles too and would consider them alongside everything else. Her reaction that working in that sector was immature or career suicide really shocked me. Apparently, she believes there is an age limit to caring!

Ok, rant over. Back to the glitter.

It's all about the choices...

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  Eleanor Roosevelt

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it." Groucho Marx

Two very different people, very similiar messages. What happens to me is my choice.  I know from experience that circumstances can be thrown upon us, circumstances that we can't control. But what happens next is our choice.

Circumstance has brought me here. A few months on from my redundancy and I haven't yet found quite the right new role for me. The job market doesn't look especially inspiring. So many people keep asking me if I have a new job yet.

I'm sure the Jules of old would have been panicking by now, and second guessing decisions she had made, and asking why this had happened to her. Today, I'm not panicking. Today, I absolutely know that decisions I made were the right decisions for me. Today, I can look at the big picture and be grateful for the extra time I have had over the past few months to do things and be with people that make me happy.

I'm making the choice to be happy with my life right now, right here.  Yes, that is also choosing to take care of myself  and to embrace being 40 - I may just be a proper grown up now. I'm choosing to make the most of the time I have right now to be at home and be creative, because I am confident that a job will come along soon. I know that the first job may not be everything I wanted and in fact may be something I never would have seen myself doing, but if I take it, be thankful for it, and do it well; you know what, it may just lead to that job of my dreams.

And now for a completely different choice - peppermint or lemon & ginger tea....

Flowers, friends and freedom

It's taken me a few days to get round to writing this blog after the event. I think I was waiting for reality to sink in, but it seems that's going to take longer than a few days.

I've left work. And not for a holiday; for good. After 13 years (minus those lost 6 weeks back in the day), several changes of role, so many friends and countless moments of hysteria, chaos and crises; it somehow seemed, to both me and those around me, that I was part of the furniture and that I'd never leave. In many ways, I was quite happy with that. Having spent so much of my life there, it felt like home, and I was comfortable there. It made me so emotional saying goodbye to people that have meant so much to me, and knowing I will no longer be seeing them every day, and I was even more emotional when I got the flowers, gifts and especially the cards with lovely messages. (Hurrah for the joined up world of social media, which means goodbye doesn't mean losing touch.) But things change. Things have to change. I had to change.

This is my new beginning. And it's amazing.There is a whole world of possibility out there. I can do anything that makes me happy and that challenges and inspires me. I'm excited to find out what I can be and what I can offer to the world. But before I start that search for my new life, a break. I'm taking some time out to unwind, let go of the old life and remember who I am.  Oh and go to New York of course.

So, for now, I'm saying a huge thank you to everyone who has supported me and laughed with me over the past 13 years - it wouldn't have been the same without you. You may no longer be colleagues, but you're still friends, and I'm looking forward to sharing my new adventures with you.

Finding balance

This Bank Holiday weekend has been amazing. Not that I flew off to the South Coast of France, or ate at any five star restaurants or even that I did anything that anyone else would be jealous of. But what was so amazing to me was the difference those extra few days have made. I have had the time to stop, think and enjoy my life.

My weekends are normally spent trying to catch up on the work at home that I haven't had the chance to do during the busy week, as well as grocery shopping and laundry. Spending time with Chloe is important to me too, even if that is just watching Saturday night television together or going out for lunch. And where possible, I like to fit in a bit of writing or crafting or photography too - anything to exercise those creative muscles.

However, it is a struggle, and I do find myself fighting to make everything fit in. I often wonder if it's just me that feels like this, whether I am the only one who finds themselves spending the majority of the time doing what I think I have to do, and spending the least amount of time doing what I actually want to do? We all have to earn a living, and so work necessarily has to take up most of the time. Surely though, there's a better way? There must be a way to balance this better, so I can feel like my life is productive and happy and fulfilling.  Actively deciding to find that balance is the first step. I'm going to find time to make a life, not just to make a living.

For the love of concealer

Today I am sending a note of eternal gratitude to whoever invented concealer : loving your work! Pre-concealer this morning I looked like the shinier redder-nosed sister of Rudolph. Or some freaky big-nosed circus clown. Or someone who has an even closer relationship with alcohol than I actually do. Whichever way, so not a good look. Post-concealer, I still couldn't be mistaken for a super-model, but I could at least pass muster as a human being with a normal-coloured nose.

So it's just a cold. An energy-zapping, nose-blocking, hanky-eating cold. But I will be glad when it's over.

Today's make-up mania made me think though. I've always reckoned on myself as not being too hung-up on looks; happy to go out with just moisturiser, sunscreen and brushed hair, and I turned up my nose at those who went what I saw as too far to preserve their looks. Today though, I really felt I couldn't go out looking like I did without artificial intervention to hide the red nose, otherwise I would be conscious of it all day. I'm perhaps vainer than I thought. But you know, I'm now ok with saying that's not a bad thing. It's not a crime to want to make the best of yourself, even with a little artifice. And that's especially true if there's something that you really hate about yourself, that makes you feel self-conscious constantly. But a little help goes a long way. Heidi Montag-style transformation? Well, that's a different matter!

And I said "No, no, no"...

This afternoon I had to do some things which don't come easily to me. I had to say "no", I had to tell someone I didn't like them (though I did like their top) and I had to walk away from someone. No, I didn't have a bad day at the office. Quite the contrary. A great day - thanks in no small part to the seminar which I took part in this afternoon - which these exercises were part of. Along with learning to channel our Inner Bond Girls of course.

Designed to help the participants become more charismatic, the seminar gave me real insight into how our behaviours can really impact those around us. I found it strangely liberating to say "no" and not feel bad about it; I rather relished being able to apologise and not cringe in shame, and there was even a strange pleasure in being able to practice not caring if people liked me. More importantly, I learned real and usable techniques to re-train my brain and change my behaviours. Even more importantly, I had fun while doing it. Enjoyable and real learning. Now that's powerful stuff.

So if you  hear the word "no" pass my lips more often, or you see me walking away and not looking back; well, that will just be me getting my charisma on.

Seeing the stepping stones

So here's the thing. Most days I muddle on through, using only the part of my brain I need to get through the particular task on hand, whether that's putting together a paper at work, doing the ironing, or even updating facebook. I'm ashamed to admit it, but what I don't do enough of, is think. Really think. In the deep and meaningful life-examining sense, not the hmm wonder what I can make for dinner sense.

Today was an exception. Eye-openingly thought-provoking. And no, no-one was waving a big sign saying "Erm life to Jules, time to think!" But they might as well have been. So many things are happening to so many of my friends, and I didn't really put it all together in my mind until today..
...like one of my favourite people in the world ever leaving my team to take up a new fabulous opportunity
...like another of my PressGang gang going off to have an adventure in far flung exotic location
...like a close friend soon to go off on maternity leave
...and another who's starting her own business soon...

You get the picture. Everyone is doing big stuff. They're all moving on to the next stepping stone. And I'm not. Not yet anyway. But that's probably because I've been waiting for someone else to do something that impacts me, something to happen that will make a change, just waiting. No more waiting for a passing tide to carry me on. Time to jump onto the next stepping stone all by myself.