It's not all cupcakes and sparkles

I don't know why, but people do associate me with being optimistic and generally cheerful (with the exception of a not infrequent bout of sarcastic banter).

It could be the name - you don't really imagine a Julie or Jules being sad or overly pensive, do you? It's kind of an upbeat name!

It could be because I'm a big girl, and we all know that 'big girls don't cry'; they're a jolly sort.

It could be that, yes, I do try to see the positive in most events and people. If I were a betting girl, I'd always bet things will turn out ok rather than predict an inevitable disaster. [Sidebar here: note that,  while I don't bet on disaster, I'm so organised that if there were one, everything we'd need would be in my bag.] I'm a great believer in you get what you give, and that if you expect and work towards things to turn out well, they generally do.

Like everyone else, life has thrown me some curveballs and challenges in the shape of cancer and other health issues, work issues, family issues. At times when I was dealing with a health challenge, people have asked me how I remained so happy with it all. I'd tell them that while I couldn't control what was happening to me, I could control how I handled it, and that I'd made the choice to be as happy as I could.

That isn't a one-time deal. That's still a choice I have to make. Being happy doesn't come automatically to most people I know. Every day we wake up and we make that choice.

For the most part, I do make the choice to be happy, even through the challenges. There are times, when I just don't have the strength to do that. Some days I just can't quite get past ok into good. Heck, some days I don't even make it to ok. Life isn't all cupcakes and sparkles. Some events you can't just get over straight away. Some times you need a small window to grieve something not turning out how you'd hoped, or to deal with unexpected bad news. So I take those times to be sad, to acknowledge the loss, to work through it in my mind.

Those days are inevitably when someone asks me what's up, why I am so miserable, it's so unlike me, I'm normally so bubbly. Yes, I do KNOW that but I smile anyway. Then they tell me to cheer up, that it's not the end of the world.

I want to tell them that no, I am not fine, but I will be. I want to tell them that you need to be sad sometimes to really appreciate being happy. That it's ok to be sad, as long as it's for a purpose, that it's part of the journey to being happy again. I'm grounded right now, but I will fly and soar again.

So, blog readers and friends, remember that - it's ok to be sad sometimes; just don't forget your wings.

Image credit: unknown, someone sent me this image in an email. Apologies.

Project Life 2012: May part 1

I will be linking up with The Mom Creative for Project Life Tuesday, as always. If you've hopped here from there, a big welcome; and if you haven't visited yet, drop by for inspiration and lots of fun stuff.

So as usual, here's the page overview:

The title card is quick and easy - a Clementine title card with the addition of some text using PSE and then a 'This is Fabulous' element cut from the fabulous DCWV Snapshot Stack (thanks to April for highlighting this amazing stack on her blog!) and pasted onto the card.

Next up is a photo of Chloe in my Mum's garden, playing with Poppy, my mother's West Highland Terrier. She and Chloe dote on each other, and it's so sweet to see them having fun together. Thanks to inspiration from the ever wonderful Cathy Zielske, I journalled quick captions straight onto some of the photos using two different fonts - and I like the way it looks (especially on the desk photo coming up soon).

Chloe, in her way too quick journey to becoming grown up, had her first visit to a beauty salon to get her eyebrows waxed. I captured a before and after, and also journaled it a little:

As well as PL and scrapbooking, I also love making cards. I do however, sometimes, lack inspiration when it comes to cards for teens. I made this card for my brother's girlfriend's daughter - I hope she likes it.

I was playing round with the settings on my camera, and took lots of photos of my desk, just to compare how the different effects worked. I absolutely loved how this negative effect photo turned out (look how my pink laptop and phone went all cute blue!), so decided to use it to describe my life at my desk! I am so happy with how the text on this photo turned out - I think it kinda looks like the text on a magazine picture.

I also put together a quick page on a special event this week - my friend and I went to see Dancing on Ice tour, where Torville and Dean had coached some celebrities to skate - it was fabulous. I haven't got around to photographing the page yet, but here are some of the shots from the event:

Another fab week. And I'll be able to remember it in detail - thanks to Project Life!

Have a wonderful week ahead, all!

The Happily Ever After Hypothesis*

"Happily ever after" never rang true for me. Not that I don't believe in happiness. Just not endings.

My rationale for this? Well, if you are focussed only on one thing and that's your destination, with no flexibility, with nothing else that excites you or intrigues you; what happens when you reach that destination? What then?  If getting there was your ultimate goal for your happiness, what now? What comes after your happy ending?

I read in a magazine the other day an article about women and their goals for 2012. One of them said, "I've always been the odd one out, so this year I want to meet the man I'm going to marry. Having a huge wedding will make me so happy."  Another talked about how her job was getting her down and how she wouldn't be happy until she had a new one. Yet another talked about how she "can't wait to lose the weight and my new happy life will begin." I totally applaud all these women for having goals, but I wonder if they've considered being happy now, on the way to reaching those goals? I don't want to be someone who says "I will be happy when X happens."

I've always believed that life was about the journey, about the what happens along the way, about the people you meet on the path, not about the destination.  I'm not the no57 bus, my destination isn't written all over me. So I don't always know exactly where I'm going. Don't get me wrong - I'm not directionless, I have goals. But sometimes, events and people change how I see things and that means my next step is in a different direction than the one I'd originally anticipated. I get to achieve my goals in a different and perhaps unexpected way. And I learn something. And I keep going. I don't think I'm ever going to be 'at' happiness. I'm creating and choosing it every day, every step I take along that path.

*and yes, that is another TBBT inspired blog post title.

It's all about the choices...

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  Eleanor Roosevelt

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it." Groucho Marx

Two very different people, very similiar messages. What happens to me is my choice.  I know from experience that circumstances can be thrown upon us, circumstances that we can't control. But what happens next is our choice.

Circumstance has brought me here. A few months on from my redundancy and I haven't yet found quite the right new role for me. The job market doesn't look especially inspiring. So many people keep asking me if I have a new job yet.

I'm sure the Jules of old would have been panicking by now, and second guessing decisions she had made, and asking why this had happened to her. Today, I'm not panicking. Today, I absolutely know that decisions I made were the right decisions for me. Today, I can look at the big picture and be grateful for the extra time I have had over the past few months to do things and be with people that make me happy.

I'm making the choice to be happy with my life right now, right here.  Yes, that is also choosing to take care of myself  and to embrace being 40 - I may just be a proper grown up now. I'm choosing to make the most of the time I have right now to be at home and be creative, because I am confident that a job will come along soon. I know that the first job may not be everything I wanted and in fact may be something I never would have seen myself doing, but if I take it, be thankful for it, and do it well; you know what, it may just lead to that job of my dreams.

And now for a completely different choice - peppermint or lemon & ginger tea....

Queen of the New Year

Hands up, I did a very bad thing. I abandoned my blog. Sad face.

In revelling in the newly found freedom from working life last September, I seemed to lose all impetus for any kind of sitting at a laptop doing anything. Facebook, Bejewelled and photo editing aside, that is - always exceptions. My poor blog was thrown aside as I rediscovered the joys of:

• free time to travel (NYC was A-MAZING, baby!);
• shopping during the week;
• housework - yes, you read that right;
• doing nothing but sitting thinking and smiling and being grateful;
• lunch not out of a lunchbox or bought from M&S;
• reading while not on a bus or train;
• sleeping past 6am; and
• cardmaking. 

However, let's not dwell on my past neglect. I'm reclaiming my lovely little blog.  But in a moment of catch up, here's where I am - it's 2012, I have just turned 40 (still coming to terms with that one), I'm looking for gainful and fulfulling employment, and you know what? I'm happy.

Join me in 2012 as I hang onto that happiness. It's gonna be fun!

P.S. Here's me embracing 40 - almost literally!