It's not all cupcakes and sparkles

I don't know why, but people do associate me with being optimistic and generally cheerful (with the exception of a not infrequent bout of sarcastic banter).

It could be the name - you don't really imagine a Julie or Jules being sad or overly pensive, do you? It's kind of an upbeat name!

It could be because I'm a big girl, and we all know that 'big girls don't cry'; they're a jolly sort.

It could be that, yes, I do try to see the positive in most events and people. If I were a betting girl, I'd always bet things will turn out ok rather than predict an inevitable disaster. [Sidebar here: note that,  while I don't bet on disaster, I'm so organised that if there were one, everything we'd need would be in my bag.] I'm a great believer in you get what you give, and that if you expect and work towards things to turn out well, they generally do.

Like everyone else, life has thrown me some curveballs and challenges in the shape of cancer and other health issues, work issues, family issues. At times when I was dealing with a health challenge, people have asked me how I remained so happy with it all. I'd tell them that while I couldn't control what was happening to me, I could control how I handled it, and that I'd made the choice to be as happy as I could.

That isn't a one-time deal. That's still a choice I have to make. Being happy doesn't come automatically to most people I know. Every day we wake up and we make that choice.

For the most part, I do make the choice to be happy, even through the challenges. There are times, when I just don't have the strength to do that. Some days I just can't quite get past ok into good. Heck, some days I don't even make it to ok. Life isn't all cupcakes and sparkles. Some events you can't just get over straight away. Some times you need a small window to grieve something not turning out how you'd hoped, or to deal with unexpected bad news. So I take those times to be sad, to acknowledge the loss, to work through it in my mind.

Those days are inevitably when someone asks me what's up, why I am so miserable, it's so unlike me, I'm normally so bubbly. Yes, I do KNOW that but I smile anyway. Then they tell me to cheer up, that it's not the end of the world.

I want to tell them that no, I am not fine, but I will be. I want to tell them that you need to be sad sometimes to really appreciate being happy. That it's ok to be sad, as long as it's for a purpose, that it's part of the journey to being happy again. I'm grounded right now, but I will fly and soar again.

So, blog readers and friends, remember that - it's ok to be sad sometimes; just don't forget your wings.

Image credit: unknown, someone sent me this image in an email. Apologies.

On the critical list: niceness

Back in the days when I was gainfully employed, my use of social media was pretty fleeting. I'd have a quick browse of FB for news from friends, I'd maybe tweet for big news events, and I'd blog perhaps once a month if I was lucky. I really wasn't that observant online. I was just visiting that world, and as a tourist, I liked the views.

In the past few months, I've had more time. So rather than my previous dash through the virtual town that is online-ville, I've been able to casually stroll down the streets, look in some shop windows, get beyond the tourist traps, and 'overhear' lots of passerbys' conversations.

In doing this I've come across some of the most amazing people I have ever met. In the online communities that have built around common interests (for me it's crafting and Project Life in particular, but I'm sure it equally applies to any hobby or pastime), online seems to brings out the best in people - you get to make friends with enthusiastic, caring, considerate, curious, sharing, energetic, living life to the full, encouraging, strong, funny, passionate and inspiring people you would never have had the chance to meet in real life. I count myself very lucky to have met quite a few of those lovely people.

And on FB and Twitter, there are some utterly fabulous people who are harnessing the vast power and influence of the online world to help people, to share good news, to pass on a smile, to get communities working together and just to brighten people's days. I'm lucky enough to know some of them too. And I'd kinda like to be even a little like them one day - I'm working on it.

Conversely, I've noticed that there is a whole group of other people who seem to use that online freedom to be mean. Perhaps it's not intentional, perhaps it's because the real-timeness of these media means people don't stop to think before they post, but it is a trend that is absolutely happening. I'm not talking about the light funny jokes here; I'm talking the really horrid stuff. I see tasteless and sick posts about tragic celebrity events or deaths, I see people openly mocking other people and their beliefs and morals and lifestyles; and perhaps most frequently, I've seen so many cruel comments about people's looks - what their hair is like, what they wear, their weight, their style, the list is endless.

Don't get me wrong; I'm no angel, I know that for instance I have made the odd comment about celebrities and their odd choice of stage clothing. But I don't understand the reason why people would post updates about real people, criticising them for what they look like in any way. Why would you want to do that?  Seriously, what happened to being nice? If you have an opportunity to say something nice, or even to simply say nothing at all, why would you choose to say something that makes fun of someone? What does it say about the author of that post? What do they get from that?

And I know people will tell me to lighten up, that it doesn't really matter, that it's just words, that it doesn't mean anything. Maybe. Perhaps I am being too serious about it. But I do think words are powerful. I do worry that it's becoming less normal or ok to be nice, it's now cool to be mean; that a comment mocking someone's looks gets more 'likes' than a comment congratulating someone on an achievement. I do have concerns that the more we let this happen, the more we just shrug our shoulders and say it's harmless, that being mean becomes the norm, and that niceness will be lost forever.

Niceness is on the critical list. Time to give it some love.

The Happily Ever After Hypothesis*

"Happily ever after" never rang true for me. Not that I don't believe in happiness. Just not endings.

My rationale for this? Well, if you are focussed only on one thing and that's your destination, with no flexibility, with nothing else that excites you or intrigues you; what happens when you reach that destination? What then?  If getting there was your ultimate goal for your happiness, what now? What comes after your happy ending?

I read in a magazine the other day an article about women and their goals for 2012. One of them said, "I've always been the odd one out, so this year I want to meet the man I'm going to marry. Having a huge wedding will make me so happy."  Another talked about how her job was getting her down and how she wouldn't be happy until she had a new one. Yet another talked about how she "can't wait to lose the weight and my new happy life will begin." I totally applaud all these women for having goals, but I wonder if they've considered being happy now, on the way to reaching those goals? I don't want to be someone who says "I will be happy when X happens."

I've always believed that life was about the journey, about the what happens along the way, about the people you meet on the path, not about the destination.  I'm not the no57 bus, my destination isn't written all over me. So I don't always know exactly where I'm going. Don't get me wrong - I'm not directionless, I have goals. But sometimes, events and people change how I see things and that means my next step is in a different direction than the one I'd originally anticipated. I get to achieve my goals in a different and perhaps unexpected way. And I learn something. And I keep going. I don't think I'm ever going to be 'at' happiness. I'm creating and choosing it every day, every step I take along that path.

*and yes, that is another TBBT inspired blog post title.

Creative chaos and career conversations

After the usual website trawls for job vacancies to apply for, today I will now mostly be making cards. And jewellery. And gift tokens. Not just to keep my jobless self busy - I do actually enjoy all this crafty creativity, but also I've been commissioned to make the goodies. I also want to make some extra samples to put on the website and Etsy shop that I'm in the middle of setting up.  As a result, my desk is a little- shall we say- busy? If there was an award for desk which most closely resembles a Blue Peter make it special, I'd be collecting my badge right now! Card count so far = 3. Not my most productive day so far, but they were very unusual personalised ones so they took a lot of work. Honest!

But I can't stop thinking about the conversation I had this morning. In the midst of my cutting, sticking and glittering spree, my phone rings. I answer to discover it's one of the recruitment agencies I'd contacted last week who wanted to have a more detailed chat. I've already spoken to and met with a few reps from other recruitment agencies and found them all to be on the ball, polite, full of ideas, and actually quite helpful. Today's caller? Not so much.

Firstly, she wanted me to talk her through my CV. Which she'd left in the other office. Then she called me the wrong name. Twice. Then she asked what I'd be interested in doing next. I explained that I loved the kind of work I do, and that I'd be interested in doing similar work, in the same sector or perhaps in a different sector and indicated that I was also keen to look at comms or marketing roles in the NFP (not for profit) world. There followed a silence. A long silence. Eventually, she gave her response to this: "Seriously? At your age? Don't you think you've moved on from that?"

I asked her what she meant, and she said that people of my age and at this stage in my career, working outside the corporate world amounted to career suicide. "I mean, most people get this idealistic thing out of the way at uni or in their gap years," she said. "Then they get over it, get real and get proper jobs."

Now, I'm assuming she may be fairly young or inexperienced - firstly if she was more experienced, she probably would have put this a bit differently, in perhaps a less confrontational manner.

Secondly, she should really acknowledge that there is some kick-ass Marcomms work being done in the NFP market. Really clever, innovative and user-centric campaigns and materials, in an environment that can sometimes offer a lot more freedom than the often more locked down, corporate world. So it does have a lot to offer for someone looking to do real creative work.

She did make me think though. I know in the past when I'd mentioned to acquaintances that I'd perhaps like to work for a charity or a community organisation, they looked at me with puzzlement. They questioned why, with the lower pay? The lower profile? The lack of career opportunities? Was I some weird do-gooder?

It seems that if a teenager or student or recent graduate is passionate and cares about a cause or charity, it's tolerated in a 'they'll get over it' way. It's expected that they do an internship, do a gap year volunteering, do something temporary and then get back to 'real life'. As if caring is a temporary madness; one that stops when you become a proper grown up.

Don't get me wrong, I left my teenage idealism back in uni with my Grolsch-bottle-top-adorned DMs, my purple hair streaks and my youthful conviction that I was going to marry Rob Lowe. I understand the world a lot more than I did then, I understand the complexities of economy and politics, and I know about the practicalities of living life. I left my impractical idealism behind, but I didn't stop caring.

I'm not saying I'm against the corporate world. Far from it. I need to find a job that is interesting, gives me challenges and allows me to learn new skills, and also that brings home the bacon. (I'm a vegetarian - should that be bring home the vegeburgers?!) If that same role also happens to be working in a charity or cause that makes a positive difference to my small part of the world, all the better. It's highly likely that my next job will not be in the NFP sector, simply because there aren't that many roles around that will fit me.

All I was trying to tell that recruitment consultant is that I was interested in those kind of roles too and would consider them alongside everything else. Her reaction that working in that sector was immature or career suicide really shocked me. Apparently, she believes there is an age limit to caring!

Ok, rant over. Back to the glitter.

It's all about the choices...

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  Eleanor Roosevelt

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it." Groucho Marx

Two very different people, very similiar messages. What happens to me is my choice.  I know from experience that circumstances can be thrown upon us, circumstances that we can't control. But what happens next is our choice.

Circumstance has brought me here. A few months on from my redundancy and I haven't yet found quite the right new role for me. The job market doesn't look especially inspiring. So many people keep asking me if I have a new job yet.

I'm sure the Jules of old would have been panicking by now, and second guessing decisions she had made, and asking why this had happened to her. Today, I'm not panicking. Today, I absolutely know that decisions I made were the right decisions for me. Today, I can look at the big picture and be grateful for the extra time I have had over the past few months to do things and be with people that make me happy.

I'm making the choice to be happy with my life right now, right here.  Yes, that is also choosing to take care of myself  and to embrace being 40 - I may just be a proper grown up now. I'm choosing to make the most of the time I have right now to be at home and be creative, because I am confident that a job will come along soon. I know that the first job may not be everything I wanted and in fact may be something I never would have seen myself doing, but if I take it, be thankful for it, and do it well; you know what, it may just lead to that job of my dreams.

And now for a completely different choice - peppermint or lemon & ginger tea....